Recovery Is Possible
Lately, I have had a few clients ask me what recovery from disordered
eating is. Interestingly, I don't often hear this question yet it seems
that those who struggle with food and body image challenges would want
to know. So I started thinking about it, wondering why more people don't
ask.
In my curiosity, I looked back into my own history of struggling with
hating my body and evaluating everything I ate and wanted to eat. At
the time, I was so caught up in what I was doing, what I was thinking
and how much I hated myself that I didn't have the ability to see beyond
it. It was like standing so close to a black dot drawn on a board that
all I could see was the dot. All I could feel was the pain of hating
my body and everything I ate. I couldn't see the world beyond the dot.
In fact, my healing and recovery started when I took a step back so
I could see more of the world surrounding that big, consuming dot. The
first step for me was noticing what I was doing rather than just doing
it.
I imagine you might be feeling the same way. You stare straight at that
dot all day long. It is all you see. You hate your body, picking on
every little flaw. You compare yourself to everyone else. You evaluate
everything you eat and what other people eat too. If you are right in
the middle of your struggle, you may not be able to see the edges of
your disordered eating behaviors much less the recovery beyond.
How do you step back from the black dot on the board? Start by asking
yourself (and answering yourself too): Where would I like to be with
my relationship to food one year from now (or less time if that works
better for you)? As you answer, let yourself feel any emotions that
come up. You might feel relief, hope, excitement. You might also feel
fear, anger, shame.
Now, take another step back from the black dot and explore what recovery
means for you. To get some ideas, below is an excerpt from my forthcoming
book in which I talk about what recovery from disordered eating is.
As you read it, again allow yourself to feel whatever emotions pop up.
Recovery from an eating disorder is not perfection. Having an eating
disorder is not about trying to be perfect. Recovery is about accepting
who you are, striving to be better, and acknowledging that you are doing
the best you can and feeling your feelings along the way. Recovery is
about dealing with life on life's terms.
Recovery from an eating disorder is about learning more about you, creating
balance with the different parts of yourself, allowing all parts of
yourself to be heard and to be shared with others. If you begin to judge
yourself critically, you can be sure that there is an emotion underneath
that voice.
Recovery is allowing yourself to eat wonderful foods, to chose the foods
that make you feel best, to eat out of enjoyment as well as out of nourishment,
to exercise in a way that feels more like play than hard work and to
look forward to the next time you get to play just because you enjoy
it rather than because you might lose weight.
Recovery is to appreciate and have the range of emotions you naturally
have, to be more honest with yourself and with those in your life, to
enjoy life to the fullest. Recovery is about taking care of yourself,
sometimes first, because you know that helps you take care of others
too. Recovery is having boundaries that support you in feeling safe
in the world.
Recovery is about letting go of the belief that you can control anything
other than your own actions and that sometimes it is hard to control
those too. Recovery is about messing up sometimes and acknowledging
it and learning from it, rather than beating yourself up for it. Recovery
is having really great days and having some difficult ones too. Recovery
is knowing and trusting that this too shall pass and doing what you
need to do to take care of yourself now. Recovery is about living in
the present. Recovery is about honoring your emotions and what your
body has to tell you. Recovery is about finding you.
Recovery is a process. It is not a destination. It doesn't end. It keeps
on going. Recovery is about striving to be your best while allowing
yourself to be who you are right now. Recovery is about returning over
and over again to childhood innocents and openness to giving and receiving
love, affection, attention. Recovery is about realizing you are worth
it, over and over again.
Recovery is possible! You know that or you wouldn't be reading these
newsletters. You are on your recovery path right now. Congratulate yourself
for that. Continue on your path, get support along the way, and you
will get there, over and over again.
1235 SE Division St, Suite 104
Portland, OR 97202 (503) 766-3399
Email Anne